Question: My boyfriend and I are talking about getting married. My first wedding was lavish and expensive – my father picked up the tab. My boyfriend is very traditional and wants a big wedding, tons of groomsmen, the chicken dance, garter toss…the whole nine yards. I am ademently opposed to all of this.
I dream of a very elegant, intimate ceremony with close friends and family – not bridesmaids and by no means do I want to toss a bouquet! Afterall, most of my friends are married and having children! First of all, can I choose to not have bridesmaids and he still have groomsmen? Also, we are both in our 30’s and very financially well-off, he still thinks that my father should pick up the tab. That is ridiculous to me seeing as though he makes a whole lot more money than my father. What are ways that we can meet in the middle while respecting each other’s wishes? Usually it is the other way around – the bride wants a big ‘to-do” and the groom wants something lower key. How can I get him to realize that I don’t want to be “one of those women” in a big white poffy dress with 10 bridesmaids trailing behind me?! (I dind’t have that at my first wedding, certainly don’t want it for my second!_ Thanks!
Rebecca Black, Etiquette Consultant, Etiquette Now
Dear My Second,
One way to perhaps discourage your groom is to remind him that fathers typically do not ‘pick up the tab’ at his daughter’s second wedding. In fact, many couples are paying for their first weddings these days.
There doesn’t have to be the same amount of bridesmaids as groomsmen, but it would seem a bit off balance for your groom to have a large number of groomsmen and you none.
I think your salvation, though, is in the fact that daddy doesn’t have to pay. Once your fiance realizes how much all of this costs and you two will have to pay for it, he may change his tune.