Although you would think that everyone has those extensive and essential relationship talks before they tie the knot, you’d be astonished at how many issues are brushed under the rug or entirely disregarded. Yet, asking the correct questions can help you get off to a good start in marriage—and keep divorce at bay.
They say ignorance is bliss but never has that saying been more untrue than in the case of marriage. Many married couples later debate whether they would have gotten married had they known a few extra details about their significant other. While love conquers all, it is essential for newly engaged brides to still ask pertinent questions, all in the spirit of finding more to love in their partner!
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Q1. Will There Be A Joint Account For Both Of Us, Or Is One Partner Exclusively The Breadwinner?
Unless you were living together before getting engaged, this is a question most brides struggle to ask. Sound financial knowledge and management are a vital part of life. If you have to open a joint account, discuss the percentages of household expenses covered by both bride and groom. This applies to the wedding preparations and costs too!
Q2. Should I Insure My Engagement Or Wedding Ring?
That’s an excellent question! Unfortunately, many newly engaged brides wait until it’s too late to get engagement ring insurance, but like with anything insurance-related, prevention is better than cure.
Losing your engagement ring is bad enough, having to replace it out of pocket is even worse. You can learn more about what ring insurance encompasses to determine if/when insurance makes sense for you.
In many cases, engagement rings can be larger than wedding rings and have a higher carat diamond. Insuring them is a good idea, especially if you travel a lot or plan to move to a new home. If you are forgetful, having that layer of insurance can give you some peace of mind.
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Q3. Will We Have Equal Responsibilities When And If We Decide To Have Children?
Being in love is wonderful and romantic, but practical life is more effort. For example, when a couple has a child, it is an immense responsibility that cannot be adequately fulfilled without equal effort and involvement by both partners.
A good question to ask your future spouse is how involved they will be in daily chores such as feeding, changing diapers, etc. Discussing birth control and contraception and whether or not you both will even try for a child is a vital topic to begin a conversation on. Pregnancy planning can be discussed in pre-marital therapy if you have registered for sessions.
Q4. If There Is A Difference In Religious Beliefs, How Are Holidays And Other Traditions Observed?
Marriages between people belonging to different religions or cultures are beautiful, but an excellent discussion to have post-engagement is how those beliefs will be upheld in daily life and the children’s lives in the future. If both the partners have a sound understanding of respecting and observing each other’s religious beliefs, it can make for a healthy and happy marriage.
Q5. Do You Have Any Debts Or Other Habits You Want To Talk About That May Not Be At The Forefront?
Debts or habits like gambling can remain hidden in a romantic relationship even after an engagement. However, having a good sit-down discussion with your partner and asking difficult questions can save you from a severe argument later. After all, marrying someone means accepting and embracing their flaws!
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Q6. What Is Your Conflict Style?
Conflict is an inevitable part of life, especially when people live together in a long-term or this case, permanent relationship. Discussing someone’s conflict style or ascertaining what they may have learned from their parents is a healthy step before getting married.
Many people are victims of abuse or may even suffer from PTSD, and that doesn’t make them any less loveable, but it is essential for their loved ones to understand them better.
Q7. Can We Talk About Previous Relationships And What We Learned So Residual Issues Don’t Resurface During Our Marriage?
Many people have had less than ideal intimate relationships, but being open and honest with your would-be spouse can be therapeutic and sensible for dispute prevention. Your spouse needs to know if you have trust issues and vice versa because of experiences in past relationships.
Communication is the master key to a smooth sailing marriage. If either spouse is judgmental, they can also work through that in pre-marital therapy and get to a position of complete trust. You also do not want the mention of exes surfacing in any argument you have as a married couple, so honesty is the best policy.
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Q8. How Much Autonomy Is Reasonable For Our Relationship Dynamic?
Couples need to clearly understand how much autonomy they can safely practice inside a long-term commitment. Can you go on a wild road trip without informing your significant other? Knowing your partner’s personality and needs is also a way to get this side of the equation right.
Q9. How Do We Communicate Our Individual Need For Emotional Support And Satisfaction?
A couple needs to be on the same page regarding how to get their needs fulfilled, especially when it comes to sharing and receiving love. Unfortunately, many people are not particularly communicative regarding the latter and the former.
Learn each other’s love language and master the art of communication, so your spouse knows how well he is loved and vice versa. If you need acts of emotional support from your would-be spouse now and then, it is better to articulate them.
Q10. What Do You Love About Me, And Does Anything Irritate You?
A couple getting married loves most things about each other, but having a conversation about the possible pet peeves on either side is great for a newly engaged bride. It can even be something you laugh about together! Initial attraction is not what a successful marriage is based on, so you want to delve deeper and ask yourself what makes your fiancé the perfect companion for your future life and which of his qualities makes you admire him more fully?
When you’re venturing into married life, you can’t be afraid to ask questions. There’s no way to make your marriage divorce-proof, but you can give it the best chance of surviving and thriving. Talking about these key concerns before you are married and ensuring your wants, needs, and expectations are in sync will help you start married life on the best foot possible. When in doubt, communicate—ask questions, listen carefully, and share your options. It’s the quickest way to go around any impediment.
