Vow Renewal Question (from Tanya): Hello! My husband and I are planning a Vow Renewal for our 15th anniversary which will be next November. I wanted to know when is the appropriate time to send out Save The Date Cards. I know its too early to send things out now or tell people, but as I am going along with my planning and preparation I am just gathering information/getting organized.
Rebecca Black, Etiquette Consultant, Etiquette Now:
Please read our many posts concerning vow renewals so yours is viewed as polite, appropriate, and proper–no sneers.
Unless you are inviting a lot of out of town guests or this event is very formal, you won’t need save the dates, which are sent out about 3 to 6 months before formal events. It is best not to treat this as a wedding where you would invite a lot of family and friends. It should be a smallish affair with only those very close to you invited, especially since it won’t be held on a benchmark anniversary. These are best planned when hosts remember that this is basically an anniversary type party where the hosts reaffirm their vows to each other (like, yep I’d still marry you).
So, plan well, invite only very close relatives and friend, and send invitations out about 6 to 8 weeks before your event. This is the same for most events.
Please note that there are no prewedding like events (showers, bachelorette parties, rehearsal dinners) for vow renewals, no registering, and no gifts.
Best wishes,
Tanya says:
Thank you for your reply. The reason we are considering sending out Save The Date cards is because we have family and friends that are out of state and would like for them to attend if they can and also give them some advance notice.
We are truly having a Vow Renewal Ceremony and are treating this much more than just an anniversary party. We aren’t treating it at all as a wedding, there will be no showers, brides maids, etc. We will be including our children as well as certain music that is special to us.
In terms of this not being a benchmark anniversary, I have to say to us it is a benchmark, milestone and frankly an accomplishment. We have over come many hardships, and ups and downs. I see many other people on this site and many others that plan renewals at different stages (6 yrs, 8yrs, 12 yrs, etc)
What a beautiful thing it is to celebrate a marriage! We also don’t plan on renewing. Although not expected of course, however I didn’t realize that gifts aren’t usually part of it. I have attended other Vow Renewals and Anniversary parties and have in all occasions given the couple a gift.
Thanks again for
Rebecca Black, Etiquette Consultant, Etiquette Now:
Excellent. It appears that you know how to plan this to appear appropriate. No sneers here. I agree. A marriage is definitely something to celebrate.
Remarriage Expert Also Said:
I think Rebecca just mentioned benchmark anniversary since it’s what people (guests) expect. But, like many rules, this one is not hard and fast. I think the Posts say that a renewal is for a benchmark anniversary, milestone or after serious marital or life altering issues.
Basically just a matter of – is there something to renew?
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