Today, we’re sharing some tips and advice on how to make that second commitment last well into forever. Pay attention, talk to your spouse-to-be, be open about previous mistakes and prepare yourselves for a lifelong commitment.
Remember that marriage isn’t a one-way street. Before making new promises to a new spouse, talk to each other. Go through through the hard conversations and expectations before rings are swapped and vows are recited. And in the meantime, check out these 8 ways to make your second marriage a great one.
Because you’ve already been through a divorce, the prospect of dealing with that same scenario may not seem as scary or daunting, but that shouldn’t make it an option. Once you’ve committed your lives to one another don’t issue ultimatums when the going gets tough. Making leaving an option in your relationship at all will only weaken your loyalty to one another.
2. Know your parenting roles:
A lot of the time, second marriages include children from the previous relationship. It’s important to know what the role of stepparent will entail. Overstepping the line in any area of the child to parent relationship can be concerning for the new family dynamic but also in the marriage itself. Make sure that the responsibilities and boundaries are set before the vows are exchanged – and stick to them!
3. Don’t Constantly Compare:
Before you get married for a second time, you’ll want to be open and honest about your first go round. Be completely truthful in how the marriage worked and why it ended. But don’t constantly blast your partner either or continuously compare him/her to your previous relationship/spouse. This can easily cause resentment and hurt in places it doesn’t need to fester.
Once life really sets in, it’s hard to carve out time that’s truly just for the two of you. But make this a priority. Whether it’s date night once a week – or once a month – or making sure to get 5-10 minutes with each other before you close your eyes at night, this is a necessity. Making time for each other is one way to let the other know that they’re important, which can easily get lost in the shuffle of busy work weeks and school nights with the kiddos.
5. Let Down Your Guard:
It’s also easy to build up a wall after you’ve been hurt, especially if that hurt ended in a divorce. But if you’re working toward marriage and your guard is still on high alert, there’s no way that the second time will stick. Being vulnerable means being completely open, honest and comfortable with your partner – and all of those elements are keys to a great marriage.
6. Compromise is Key:
Compromise is key in every relationship, especially within a marriage. The problem comes with age. The older we get the more set and stubborn we get within our own beliefs and habits which makes it harder to compromise with others. But this is one of the most important elements of a successful marriage. When you love someone, you compromise – it’s as simple as that!
7. Be Realistic:
Learn from your past mistakes and create expectations for you, your partner and the marriage that are realistic. Putting all of your time, energy and happiness into the relationship will not make it last. It cannot be your sole source of fulfillment and you cannot put that burden onto your spouse. Instead, make sure that you each have friends and hobbies of your own. Develop passions outside the marriage whether that be in work, sports or within the community. Be realistic about what your marriage is and isn’t.
8. Lastly, Don’t Rush It:
Sometimes the excitement and happiness within a new relationship can have our wheels turning too fast. Rushing into a marriage – especially a second one after a divorce – isn’t a great idea. And that goes double for families involving children. Make sure to take your time. Truly get to know one another and your compatibility. Learn how to communicate effectively and talk about the future – in depth – before diving in head first.