Love them or hate them, jokes are at the heart of any good wedding speech. And whether you’re the master of ceremonies, the groom, best man, maid of honor, or father of the bride, it never hurts to kick off your wedding toast with a knee-slapper.
Of course, since no one is expecting you to become a professional stand-up comedian overnight, it’s okay to turn to some tried-and-true wedding speech jokes. So here are some of the best-ever wedding jokes to roast the newlyweds before you toast them!
Want to make everyone in the room laugh during your speech? Check out these 10 classic wedding speech jokes that work again & again & again.
#10: Leave ‘Em Wanting More
Leave it to our longtime friends to kick up the laugh factor at the wedding by subtly mentioning our cringiest, most embarrassing, and possibly drunkest moments without actually revealing the whole story to the entire reception. This quote perfectly encapsulates the “always leave ’em wanting more” approach to toast-giving!
“May we never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.”
- Anonymous
#9: A Little Dig Won’t Hurt
Here’s a light-hearted wedding speech joke that will inspire laughs but won’t hurt any feelings.
“I just want to start by congratulating (previous speech giver’s Name) on their wonderful speech. I always knew it would be hard to follow—and I was right; I couldn’t follow a word of it.”
- Anonymous
#8: No Interruptions
When it’s the groom’s turn to deliver his speech, things can sometimes get dicey. But here is an excellent example of humor that most can relate to.
“I’ve been told that this is usually one of the only times in a man’s life when he can be around his wife and mother-in-law and not be interrupted—so hang in there, I’m going to take full advantage.”
- Anonymous
#7: A Little Cliché Can Go a Long Way
Playing with the cliché of wedding speeches is always good to get the guests giggling—and no one can achieve this level of snark and still come off charming like a bestie!
“[Partner one] stole [Partner two’s] heart, so [Partner two] stole [Partner one’s] last name. All in all, I would say that things worked out quite nicely, considering neither of them ended up in prison.”
- Anonymous
#6: A Great Father or Mother Joke
This is a great quote, isn’t it? It’s a lovely joke from a parent who spent at least 18 years irritated by the bride or groom before passing the torch to their future in-law.
“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
- Rita Rudner
#5: A Husband Jab
We have to say, husband jabs delivered by wives are always crowd-pleasers (sorry, guys), but of course, this wedding speech joke could be re-gendered to work for any couple. And it can be customized by replacing the word “old” to make more sense for the couple (bad with technology would be one potential substitute!).
“The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.”
- Anne Bancroft
#4: Sound Advice from the Parents
There’s no one better to give good marriage advice than the happy couple’s parents. This famous saying will undoubtedly bring a smile to your face, but it also contains some smart advice to live by as your marriage progresses—in short, always remember that you’re on the same team.
“Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.”
- Henry Kissinger
#3: Know Who They Really Are (a Good Intro for a Bride or Groom Speech)
This hilarious quote from comedian Will Ferrell would work great in a speech from the groom or bride. When you want to really get to know someone, seeing how they react to problems, struggles, delays, and technology problems can really make them show their true colors.
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.”
- Will Ferrell
#2: Support the Family
This is a great joke that the groom can include in his wedding day speech. It’s light-hearted and simple, and everyone can relate!
“When I asked [partner’s] father if I could marry his daughter/son, he immediately wanted to know if I would be able to support a family. The answer was no. I was only planning to support his daughter/son. The rest of them would have to look after themselves.”
- Anonymous
#1: A Cheeky Wedding Toast (Sure to Have Them Rolling!)
OK, so not many can get away with making a murder joke during a wedding toast (probably not a good idea for the mother of the bride). But your cheeky best man, sassy maid of honor, or part-time-wannabe-comedian best friend in the bridal party could totally pull it off. And, hey, stats are stats!
“[Newlywed 1] and [Newlywed 2], before I finish, I’d like you to turn to face each other. You’re now looking into the eyes of the person who is statistically most likely to murder you. To the happy couple!”
- Anonymous
It’s an honor to speak at a wedding, but don’t be afraid to include jokes. Laughter sets the soul on fire. The best gift you can bring to any wedding is a well-rehearsed speech that is fun, light, and hopeful.
Want to try your hand at writing your own jokes instead? See the anatomy of a good wedding joke here.
