Remarriage after death of spouse can be a tough decision. The truth is that getting married again after the death of your husband can be a bit frightening. As excited and happy about your new relationship as you are, you may be experiencing feelings of sadness about your spouse’s passing, especially if it was recent. Although you probably think of your husband often, it’s often hard to determine whether to share those thoughts with your new special someone. Marriage after death of your spouse is complicated but worth it, and carries with it a distinctive set of challenges. However, such challenges can be overcome with a little determination.
Questioning the Idea
When presented with the idea of marriage after the death of your spouse, you may ponder if it’s worth it. In an article for Psychology Today, Aaron Ben-Zeév, former president of the University of Haifa, wrote that the price of adjusting to a new person may be too high due the presence of your late spouse in your heart and mind. You might really like your new independent lifestyle, and don’t want to make the usual compromises that come with being married to someone who has his own preferences and opinions.
Loving Both Spouses
It’s entirely possible to have feelings for your new and deceased spouses when you decide to marry again. Ben-Zeév notes that the love you have for your new companion is different from what you had with your first husband, but that your departed spouse “will always have a place in your heart.” Additionally, as a widow you must deal with entering into a new and meaningful relationship without forgetting about your first love.
Potential health benefits may come with the decision to marry after your spouse dies. A study by Linda J. Waite and Mary Elizabeth Hughes published in the September 2009 Journal of Health and Social Behavior found people who had lost a spouse from either divorce or death and did not remarry were twice as likely to have chronic health problems as divorced or widowed people who did remarry.
It’s normal to think about the reaction people will have if you marry after the death of your spouse, particularly if you marry within a year or two. Ben-Zeév wrote that widows are judged more critically than most women in terms of marriage and relationships. How long you want to wait to marry again is up to you, even if those you know are critical of your decision. It is still your decision, and yours alone!