The Question: My sister-in-laws, with the help of my maid of honor, want to host a bridal shower for me. This is the second wedding for both my fiance and myself. Is this okay?
“My fiance and I presently live together so we are not registering for gifts because we just want people to come enjoy our wedding, gifts are not required. Yes, I do know that people are going to probably want to bring something anyway, both to the wedding and to my shower.
My one sister-in-law wants to make the shower into a theme type of shower, like “Honeymoon Bliss” which tells everyone if they want to bring a gift, which is not a requirement, they could bring something to help us enjoy the honeymoon.
I had suggested to her that my fiance and I want to purchase a video camera right before the wedding so that we can videotape some of our honeymoon. So, if people ask what they can get for my shower, then they can get gift cards at Best Buy to go towards the video camera. Is this wrong?
My mom’s friends are saying that I should not have a shower because it is my second wedding. My mom just told them that the shower is not for them anyway, it is for my friends/co-workers to wish me well.”
Our Answer
Have your shower and enjoy it! Don’t worry about any stigmas or who will say what.
The fact is, you’re a bride and you aren’t trying to finagle extra gifts out of everyone. Just make sure it’s clear that you aren’t expecting anything.
By providing a registry on the invitations, guests can look up what you’re in need of – which are some gift cards to snag that camera for the honeymoon.
Word of mouth goes a long way too, so make sure your closest pals and sister-in-law makes it clear that you’re not requiring guests to bring a gift, just their presence for the celebration is wanted!
Other Expert Opinions On Engagements & Remarriage
Jill Curtis, Psychotherapist
“There is absolutely no reason why you should not have a shower – and have a celebration with your friends. I think your sister in law has a great idea with her theme and it should be a lot of fun. Check with her, though, if she is happy about your suggestion of directing people to gift tokens. It is important that she is comfortable with this.
I hope you have a great Bridal shower – after all, you are about to be a bride! You should check out the ultimate guide to bridal showers too.” – Jill Curtis, Psychotherapist, Family Onwards, Author Of How To Get Married … Again (A Guide To Second Weddings)
Rebecca Black, Etiquette Consultant
“From an etiquette point of view you can definitely have a shower – no problem, no stigma. The one problem I see here is your sister-in-law hosting the shower. This is an etiquette no-no. It is viewed as self-serving, as if your groom’s sister is trying to get gifts for her brother. So, it would be better if someone else hosts and she could help from the sidelines (a silent helper).
I love the theme; it is great. You mentioned a few times about, “if the guests ask what they may give.” You really are not focused on gifts, which is wonderful. But, the idea of a shower is to give gifts.
You might be doing your guests a favor of registering at Best Buy for the gift cards. You can register for the camera and state that everyone can give toward it if they wish. This way no one has to say anything.
It is now appropriate to list the registry on the shower invitation. (just not on the wedding invitation).
Enjoy your shower!” – Rebecca Black, Etiquette Consultant
Other Helpful Resources
- What You Need To Know When Throwing A Couple’s Wedding Shower
- Wedding Gift Etiquette Tips
- Vow Renewal Attire Ideas
